Derek was a postman. He didn't like to admit it to his friends, but there was no denying the fact. He had wanted to be a postman, a long time ago, mostly for the glamour of it all. But post and glamour go together like pickled olives and glazed windows, and only celebrity postmen, like Postman Pat and Oprah get to see the glamourous olives through the glazed windows, all the other postmen can only dream that one day, the landlord will get so fed up with the mess that they make in their apartments, that he will hire a maid to clean it up, and that she will draw the curtains so that they can see out and let the preserves shine in.
To try and achieve this, Derek hadn't cleaned up his apartment since the postman's strike in '82. What he didn't realise was that the comparison was only a metaphor and that he had no chance to ever become anything more than a newspaper boy. His goldfish, Keith, knew this, but didn't like to tell him incase Derek killed himself and never bought Keith his promised goldfish bowl. At the moment, Derek was on such a low salary that he couldn't afford a bowl and Keith was currently living in a pool of water collected on a leaf that Derek had stolen from the local botanic gardens. This was particularly upsetting for Keith as his one dream in life was to take Freddie Mercurys place in Queen and he had recently purchased a drumkit to practise his rhythym, but becasue of his cramped living conditions, he had nowhere to store it. Keith read home and garden magazines, and had his eye on a two story bowl with an easy care garden and vegetable patch out back, but Derek's inability to earn had Keith in a McFlurry. To reach his dreams, he must first help Derek earn over half his body weight in notes. But how?
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